My Life of Try and Try.

Be a great mom.

Be a strong follower.
Be a mighty leader.
Clean the oven.
Do the laundry.
Teach the kids.
Teach your kids.
Model Christ.
Create Beauty.
Be beautiful.
Hold it together.
Let it go.
Set boundaries.
Love people without boundaries.

If I'm being truthful, life makes no sense to me.  At least, what I think life is...

I'm sitting across from my little, watching him make quick work of a Mickey Mouse shaped PB&J.  I think, this is it; I must've succeeded today.  

But in an hour or two, my heart will weaken and I'll feel that sharp pang of failure creep in.  Maybe because I didn't sand the table I meant to today, or change a life, or get the laundry put away.  Whatever it is, it will weigh on me.  But right now, I'm a feather.  

I watch the boy eat and smile as I sing along to the music that fills our living room.  I'm light, I'm successful, I'm free.  But only for a second.
It's maddening and beautiful all at the same time.

My life is try and try and try again.  As many of you can probably attest, it seems pointless but then, for a flicker it makes total sense.  And maybe that's exactly as it should be when you live in heavenless space.

It's the hope of Heaven that those glimpses show us, everything else is just toil and trouble.

My life is try and try, and I'm hoping the Lord is pleased.  

My husband says I spin too many plates.  My mom says I give too much of myself.  My life is try and try, but I'm not sure how to exist outside of that.  I think it's who I am, and it's absolutely what I want.  To try and try, with glimpses of Heaven.  With the knowledge that I'll never be enough, because He was already enough.

I'm not sure what else to expect out of this life, I'm certain I don't deserve the one I have.  Filled with two beautiful RadBoys, a little house I love, a talent for teaching, a passion for repairing brokeness, and a fore written victory over my own sinful self.  I'm happy to try and try.  I'm happy to take up whatever tool the Lord drops before me, even when it seems crazy; I'll keep on with my tries, and rest in His promises.

Life gets harder than this, I know that.  I know there are kids in school, and projects to be done. Soccer games and family squabbles and trips to the store at 10pm for milk that spilled on the kitchen floor.  There will be bills that cripple us, surgeries that heal us, friends that leave us, people that arrive to Heaven's gates before us.  My tries are easy today.  My try and try doesn't require much of me right now.  Maybe your try and try has asked more of you than you thought possible.

It's possible, our victory is sealed.  Shake it off, try again.
My try and try is not in vain, nor is yours.  It's strengthens us for the day our try and try will get heavy.  Because this world is so heavy.  Heaven is light.

Weary, we try.
Strengthened, we try.
Tearstained, we try.
Joyful, we try.
Breathless, we try.
Singing, we try.
Alone, we try.
Together, we try.

So I will try and try, maybe something will stick; something that feels like success until I inevitably fail at that too. Until Heaven.

Try and Try.

Until Heaven.

Home Sweet Home.

and everything in between....






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