When Will was born, I was lost. I loved Will and I loved David; but I found myself without the career I had foolishly made my identity, without the church into which I had wrongly tied my faith, without the support system I naively expected, and thrown into a role for which I perceived myself woefully unqualified. It was hard, but not impossible.
I was lost, now I'm found.
It took time and some hard healing to realign all those outlets into outlets and not hooks on which the most important parts of life hung. I used RadLife as an landing pad for my thoughts and feelings and I used Rad Revivals to find a passion outside of doing what I thought made other people happy or what was expected of me as a mom and a wife. It was a tool of success for me, in that my wounds turned into bruises and eventually healed. I get a ghost pain every now and again; but my identity can now be found in Christ not a job, my faith is in the Lord and not in a specific church, I've matured, and I've learned that God qualifies you (by association) to whatever He calls you. I learned that a lot of my pain was because of my small notion of God.
I was blind, now I see.
I'm not done changing, or growing, or learning. None of us are. But I have been made a new creation. I have changed and with that change, comes a change in my message and in my ministry. That change is what you are reading right now. RadLife was creative enough and unstructured enough to grow me and help me. However, RadLife and RadRevivals were both small, rough, and temporary. That's what they were always meant to be, don't get me wrong. They served their purpose, they ran their course.
I am a new creation. The old is gone, the new is come.*
As I sensed them ending, I felt a rattle in my brain. It started small in January or February. It rattled and grew and fleshed itself out when I laid awake at night, when I day dreamed on a benign Tuesday afternoon, or when I lost myself in thought.
If I was going to create something or be something, what do I want it to be? What do I want to spend my time doing? When I was honest with myself, the answer was easy.
I want to be in and create a community that people find honest, refreshing, helpful, understanding, creative, and enjoyable. I want that community to reach past the walls of my house and into other people's houses. I want to flex my muscles when it comes to cooking, decorating, and studying God's Word.
So that is what I plan to do.
That is Made New.
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